Sandra’s monologue from Emil Sher’s Mourning Dove
SANDRA:
She’d just had a seizure and was drifting to sleep. She looked so peaceful. That got me thinking about what it’s like when she’s awake. It’s the opposite of peace. It’s war. (Beat) It’s like she’s been fighting this war since the day she was born. Imagine battling your own body… How much could our baby endure? This…this steady assault. I wanted it to end. (Pause) I wanted to end it. I wanted her to sleep and sleep and keep sleeping because when she sleeps there’s no pain. I took one of her pillows and…and I held it. I held it for a very long time. I lifted the pillow up. Then I looked at Tina, our beautiful baby. I saw…I could see how I was holding the pillow. It wasn’t a pillow anymore. I had my hands…I was holding it like a shield. Like I was shielding myself from something. Or someone. I looked at this pillow, this shield, and knew I had no choice. I knew I had to protect her, no matter what the cost. (Beat) I lay down beside her, lay my head on the pillow and held her close.